


Some 4077th Parallels

by ChasingCheddar



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Bi!BJ, Bi!Hawkeye, Canon Divergence, Episode Fix-it, Episode: s04e19 Some 38th Parallels, F/M, Impotence, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Bi!Peg, Pining, Some of the dialogue is from the episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:26:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25378390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingCheddar/pseuds/ChasingCheddar
Summary: Season 4R: 'Some 4077th Parallels' (That's R for 'Rewriting for shits and giggles')Hawk has some trouble getting it on with Nurse Able. But, a certain someone with his sparkling eyes and beautiful smile seems to be behind it all.
Relationships: (Minor BJ/Peg Hunnicutt), B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Hawkeye/Nurse Able (as per canon for that episode)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Some 4077th Parallels

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, new to the fandom! Thought I'd give this idea a shot after I watched S04E19, I decided I'd rewrite the reasons behind Hawk's troubles for fun, hence some of the dialogue at the start is directly lifted from that episode. But please don't take this seriously, it's mostly just a funny /what if instead of impotence it's the gay/ kind of thought.

Just another day at the 4077th MASH unit. Bodies and blood everywhere, sanity nowhere to be found, no matter how much Frank thought he was the only one to have any. Kids falling to pieces, when they should have been falling in love back home. Hours and hours and _hours_ of back ache, prolonged stress and crocheting up live organs...

Something piercing cut through to Pierce, though. No, not the scalpel in his hand, more like the steady gaze coming from BJ across the room. Aside from being well timed with Frank's ridiculous idea of selling off garbage to the locals for profit, it didn't _seem_ intentional, surely. Over the past few months, Hawk had come to learn this just happened when his fellow surgeon was under a lot of stress. Why? He couldn't tell. Something to do with looking for support from the old timers? Comfort? Boredom?

No, no. Despite all his jestering, Hawk was very thorough with his work. He's certainly not one to be distracted by the gaze of another man, however enchanting and handsome a specimen he may be. No, it was just another day, just another routine procedure. Just another jigsaw puzzle of 'lied-about-my-age' to put back together before General MacArthur tosses the fragile, crumpled pieces back into the trash.

But who did BJ think he was, finishing up with his own patients and staring at him like that? Hawk could finish too. In more ways than one, if he'd let him.

"Finished! Who'd have thought perfection could be so boring," he joked. 

"Doctor?" Nurse Able piped up as he completed stitching up what he wishes was just Radar's bear instead of another young boy.

"Hm?" 

"What are you doing after?"

"Please, put a note on the bulletin board like everyone else."

"I'll give you a nickel."

"Sold. I'm so easy!"

Even after lightening the mood of the room with nurse flirtation, Hawk knew Hunnicutt was still staring, stirring his insides more than he'd stirred the kid lying on the cold, metallic bench. He didn't even have to turn and check to feel those eyes piercing the back of his skull as Radar called BJ away. 

Fine. Maybe he will take up Nurse Able on that offer. Maybe he will. Right now. 

~~~~~~~

Hands climbing up his sides, such a soft and gentle touch roaming all over. Beautiful blonde hair, if only a little too long for his liking, but fluttering eyelashes and innocent willpower. Ah yes, a woman's touch in Korea felt _more than nice_ when relaxing after the sweat and slog of saving soldier souls.

Leaning into those soft lips, feeling the sweetness and warmth and heat. Swift and smooth. Warm, and sweet. And smooth. And swift. But also smooth. Not to mention warm. Did he feel how sweet? Or how soft? Smooth? Was his checklist for those of the opposite sex complete yet?

He pulled back slightly but she followed him insistently, chasing him for more. She _was_ irresistible after all, wasn't she? He should be taking the time to enjoy this, Nurse Able was America's poster girl for beauty. And here she is in Korea of all places, right in front of him! For his enjoyment.

He _should_ be enjoying this. 

So, he dived back in again, leaning in for the kiss and pressing back. He closed his eyes to focus in on the sensation. Yes, that should help. That'll make him feel something. Heighten the senses a little. 

BJ's stare. 

Abruptly, Hawk opened his eyes, almost startled and quickly jumping away, searching Nurse Able's eyes for something. Anything.

"Hawkeye?"

He could only blink.

"Hawkeye, what is it?"

" _It_ , as you put it, should be fine. I'm fine." 

He began to swoop in for another kiss, neck tilting and panic starting to bubble in his stomach. Nurse Able squeaked softly as her hands started pawing at Hawk's chest, and Hawk went to return the gesture. But her hands were too delicate, and admittedly he was so distracted from the current scenario that he did a double take at the anatomy of a female chest. 

Come on, how could he forget women had what they had up there? Anatomy was _supposed_ to be his strong point. Maybe he should switch careers. If Frank could sell garbage to the locals, maybe he could sell dirt as make-up to Klinger. 

Hawk grunted frustratedly as he settled back with a small frown, searching Nurse Able's eyes for some kind of answer. 

This should be nice. Normally, this would be real nice.

He took another deep breath and focused in for another kiss, but his mind kept straying so far from the path. His eyes fluttered shut once again, but his mind was intent on betrayal, flashing vivid pictures of BJ in a thin, white tank top, sweat-soaked and reaching out for his chest with a low hum of--

Hawk almost jumped back with a yelp, as if Nurse Able's touch was electrifying, and not in the way either of them would have liked. Determined, he tried to go in once again, but she just pressed a hand against his chest, settling him back upright as Hawk whined. 

"Hawkeye please. What is it?"

He hesitated, but when those doe-eyes were pleading so sweetly, he felt bad to not divulge. 

"You really are beautiful, nurse."

"Thank you, but that doesn't answer my question."

"What question? There are so many of them in this world. Why are we at war? Why doesn't Klinger just make another run for it? Why-"

"Why aren't you into it, tonight?"

The panic bubble growing in his stomach burst. Maybe he could slice himself open and remove it, and check everything was working downstairs while he was there. Because it certainly wasn't at the moment.

"It's not you, it's me."

"Heard that one before."

"Originality isn't easy."

"Fine, it's okay, don't worry," she said as she leant back against the cot. Strikingly hot, but still not a stir in Hawk's blood. Something was really wrong with him now. He should check himself into the MASH unit and get that checked out. Maybe then BJ could work on him. BJ. 

".... BJ."

"This again?" she sighed. "Why don't you just ask _him_ out? I'm getting a little tired of putting all my love into this if your head's not into it, Hawkeye."

"He's married. With a child."

"I think _you_ should be paying _me_ a nickel for every time you've said that this week."

"I already told you. It's not easy batting for both teams, but I might just be swinging too hard on one side, I'm developing a lean that'll destroy me. Operate on me, and you might be able to get me out of this mess."

"A crush like that is a crush you can't shake off."

"I... I can't do that," Hawk turned to stare at the wall, hand falling onto his cheek as his eyes glazed over in dread. The remnants of the larger panic bubble were fizzing away into his intestines as fear set heavy on his already tired brows. "Let it crush me then. I can't let this to happen to me."

"Hawkeye," she said softly, patting his back and shoulders in consolation. But Hawkeye still brooded, seemingly sinking deeper into despair. She only chuckled.

"Why are you laughing? It's not funny."

"Don't worry!"

"I'm not worried," he sighed heavily.

"It can happen to anyone"

"So let it. Let it happen to anyone, just don't let it happen to me."

"Come on, sit back," Nurse Able said as she wrapped him in her arms once again. She was too good for him, and yes, she was beautiful. Warm. Soft. Smooth... That's what he needed, something smooth to soothe the throat.

"Maybe a drink," his eyes wandered over to the familiar setting of the tent. "It's almost ready to be drunk! I hear tomorrow is a very good year."

"I don't think liquor is the answer," she said, trying to meet his eyes to convey just how serious this is.

"You know, what just didn't happen here has never not ever happened before." 

Normally, he was so good at pushing it to one side, ignoring it in favour of a fun time with such a stunning, perfectly built member of the female sex. As long as his love life could remember, he could always compartmentalise his thoughts for women, and his thoughts for not-women. Sometimes things blurred together, sure. But his wanting and longing and urges for _both_ were an organised chaos that fit so well in his head. Flirting went in every which way direction, but when it came to getting down to business, his focus would normally drown everything else away. Just like in surgery.

Never had he not been able to shake the thought of something so unreachable and distant for the present time in front of him. Problem 1 : Ego 0. How could BJ do this to him? It was driving him up the canvas. The only thing that man ever did was stare these days. 

"Well, maybe you just don't find me attractive," she said, stroking at his dog-tag. The light touch brought him back to reality. 

"Oh, that's true," he nodded. "Except for your face, your mind and your body, you're a complete dud." 

She _was_ beautiful. Really. It's just that BJ was too. One that he just couldn't have.

But then she tugged on it, drawing their faces closer together, lingering so intensely. Come on, _that_ surely should have got him going. 

"Careful, I have to give them back after the war," he sighed heavily as he repositioned himself on the bed. Time to focus on _her_.

He closed his eyes as she kissed his brow, then his nose. He moaned lightly. Such a doll, such a smart, kindhearted, hot and very sexy nurse. 

But there was BJ again behind his eyelids, those blue-grey-hazel changing eyes sparkling to bore a hole into Hawk's heart, like a bullet only the other man could extract.

His brow began to furrow as he held back a whine, and his heart skipped a beat. As Nurse Able softly pressed her mouth to his, his mind started to imagine what BJ's lips would taste like. _God_...

"You know what I think's happened is the damned army has started putting coffee in my saltpeter," he rushed as he quickly jolted away again. "It's thrown my whole system off."

"Mhm. Tell me about it," she hummed as she lured him in again. He couldn't resist, she was just too good for him. He leaned in once again for yet another kiss, thinking about how sweet she was. So sweet. Just like honey. 

_Honey_.

Hunnicutt had cut through once again, and he had to reach back. He had to think of something else that's sweet. Ah. 

"How about an Oreo first?"

Thankfully, someone knocked at the door. His heart beat fast with hope that it could be exactly who he wanted it to be.

"Shh! My wife!"

"Hawk, hawk?"

No, just Radar. Maybe next time. 

"She always hawks like that," his spirits had lightened. "Yes dear?"

"Captain BJ wants you in post-op."

And with that, Hawkeye's blood rushed fast with excitement that should have been reserved for present company. Although he tried to study the face of the beautiful lady in front of him, his mind had already been shelled and the shrapnel set deep by BJ, cutting deep into his heart for him to Hunni-cut out of him, piece by piece.

~~~~~~~

Before Hawk knew it, surgery was over once again and he was back in the tent.

But this time, instead of Nurse Able, it was Hunnicutt. 

Of course, he lived here too. This was their tent, after all. It's not like this wasn't normal already, having him around so close but so out of reach. Hawk used to be able to tune out his urges as soon as he'd felt them arising for the other man. But that sure was getting difficult. He was at the cliff's edge, unsure if he could ever turn back now his mind had set on it. 

He was officially doomed. BJ was married, with a child. He might even be disgusted by all this. He could just up and leave, just as easy as Trapper had. He might never see him again, if things went bad between them. He might even earn himself a dishonourable discharge -- if only he could give it to Klinger.

But things between him and BJ were getting to the point where it physically hurt. It was interrupting on his time with other birds and bees. It was distracting him with his increasingly less-than-thorough work. He would _stare_ , just like he had today, and it would wreak havoc on his senses worse than any drink could ever manage. When their eyes met these days, everything inside Hawk would flip like a Jeep tumbling off a hill, his heart soaring and thumping so hard that he could rip it out with his bare hands. On more than one occasion during their usual banter, Hawk had been very close to letting out a lovestruck whine, especially when BJ would laugh at his jokes.

So here they were, back in the tent. Trying to make conversation over socks, of all things; whether that was for the benefit of their friendship or Hawk's own self-restraint was another question.

It took every ounce of Hawkeye's being to not just stare back at the man, to give him a taste of his own medicine and to relish what might have been. He would deserve that, he figured. See if it distracts _him_.

Instead, his eyes darted to the distiller, relaxing and continuing the witty banter that he loved so much about their time together. But then it occurred to him - why not test the waters? Why not make it seem like it's about one thing, when in reality...

"What do you think of Nurse Able?" Hawk settled for. 

"If I wasn't married, I'd start nibbling at Nurse Able's toes, and stop when I got to her hairpins," he smirked as he poured the drink.

Hawk was intrigued.   
"There is something there to arouse a male."

Then BJ said something that hurt his ego more than his problem did.

"Unless he's been dead six months."

Unless he's been driven off course, he felt like retorting. Unless he needed someone that wasn't feminine in nature to appease such a strong, heady arousal. Someone that would nibble at him, someone that wasn't the gentle touch of a female but rather stronger and firmer. Someone that could hold him tight and make him buck and...

He blinked, his face heating up and burning. Turning in avoidance with an almost shuddery sigh, he wondered what idiotic, drunk part of his brain made him think this was a good conversation to have. 

"She was in here before, uh... with me... alone-"

"That's one of the worst kept secrets of the war," BJ laughed with those shimmering eyes and a wide smile. But Hawk had to press on, had to finish what he started. He had to come up with words, and not let such an overwhelming laugh push him even more off course, despite the heat that was building in his blood. Ironic, wasn't it, that they were talking about impotency with a female and yet BJ was just making him feel so... 

"She was in here before, and uh, I uh.... Uhhh...."

His mind started to race; his heart thumped so loud he was sure BJ's trained ear could hear it. Hawk's eyes kept straggling and wandering, but he had to meet BJ's.

"Couldn't."

BJ just looked confused.  
"Couldn't what?"

"The _big_ couldn't."

"Oh. _That_ couldn't."

Hawk started to panic, realising that this really is a bad conversation to be having. He needed to backtrack. This wasn't about BJ, it was about Hawk's own muddled, war-fried brain no longer capable of roaming the minefield of love. 

But here he was, putting everything at risk. Leaping into the unknown. He had to toughen up. He was a man. He was a man's man. But he had to tell the truth, he had to at least let some of the weight off his shoulders before it completely crushed him to pieces. BJ would understand, and no matter what happens he would probably take it with understanding. Things would just go back to normal, just another fact of life -- he hoped. 

"Beej, there's... Something you don't know about me..."

"Hard to believe. Next you'll be telling me Klinger's dresses are yours."

BJ could sense something was off, though. He hadn't seen Hawk shake like this in all his few months of being here. There had been nights of consoling hugs and emotional break downs, this was war after all, and they had seen the unspeakable. They lived and breathed horror every day, stuck in this recurring nightmare for who knows how much longer. 

But this was something else. BJ had never seen Hawk so... quiet. 

BJ got up from his chair, slowly walking to Hawk's side to look down at him with _those eyes_ of his. Hawk felt his mouth go dry, feeling things stir that he wished had done so for Nurse Able before. But then BJ dropped to his knees, levelling his head eye-to-eye with Hawk, who was still lying back in his chair. 

"Go on, Hawk. It's okay."

Then BJ put his hand on Hawk's arm. His warm, strong, firm hand.

Hawk wanted to flinch, but his pulse raced even faster and instead he felt himself almost lean in towards the touch. There was no chance BJ hadn't noticed by now. Hawk's eyes darted across the floor, but as he raised them to meet BJ's caring, crinkled and concerned gaze, Hawk melted.

Wetting his lips with a deep, hopeful and almost pained sigh, he continued onwards. Despite spending every day pushing on, tirelessly working around the clock to save as many lives as he could, _this_ could have been one of the most heart-wrenching and intense moments of his whole time in Korea.

Captain Pierce was out to many of his friends. Radar knew, Klinger knew. Even Potter had caught on. And now...

"The something that you don't know, is... I, uh. I don't just go after nurses, Beej."

Silence filled the room.

"...I take back what I said earlier," BJ said, deadpanned. 

Hawk froze, eyes wide with a gasp of worry and panic and _oh god I've gone too far and--_

" _This_ is one of the worst kept secrets. At least here at the 4077th."

Hawkeye tentatively let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. 

"Hawk," BJ said softly, his hand stroking slowly down Hawk's arm, electrocuting his skin and making him visibly shiver. Hawk inhaled sharply, returning his hold on that breath as their gazes met. "You think I didn't pick up on that already?"

Hawk's eyebrows furrowed as he gulped and blinked, hardly believing what was happening. His eyes fell to watch the unbelievable: BJ's fingers interlacing with his own, with a firm yet compassionate touch, soft in its own bristly kind of way. 

"I think there's something else you've got on your mind, Hawk."

For a long time, they just searched each other's eyes, BJ trying to calm down Hawk's fluttering, and Hawk trying to believe that this was real. 

"Forget it, I'm already in danger, Beej. Being... being the way that I am."

"Mhm. Many of us are."

"Many of _us_?" Hawkeye startled, sitting upright in his chair with surprise. "What's that supposed to mean?"

BJ broke their gaze, smiling at the floor with a chuckle. But Hawk's mind just raced on and on as his face contorted with realisation. Was he...

"You're married. You have a kid! You..."

BJ laughed, this time loud enough for the hearty sound to bounce around the tent. A genuine, warm, full laugh with a trail of amused sighs, whilst Hawk just kept blinking in disbelief.

"First, it's interesting _that's_ the first thing you got out of that, out of everything that must be on your mind right now. And, to be honest, it's telling."

"But it isn't true, is it? You-"

"Second, Hawk, Peg knows. About how I am, how _we_ are. We discussed it even before I left. She very much knew that something like this would happen. I kept telling her that it wouldn't, not a chance... But she was right."

"Wait, Beej. Something like... Something like what?"

"Let me finish, Hawk."

"Let you? I can hardly believe my ears Hunnicutt."

"Look, Peg was adamant not to worry about it. She kept insisting that if it happened, it happened and there would be nothing she could do, and..." BJ trailed off, glancing towards the floor.

"... And what? Don't leave me hanging with stories from home as good as this."

"Peg's settling down, with a woman, in fact. They're both looking after Erin. Now... I still love her, and she still loves me. And God knows I love Erin probably the most in this world. But it's different, Hawk. Yes, Peg and I love each other, but both of us knew that we'd be going our separate ways, when Korea began."

BJ smiled softly, looking peaceful and like a weight of his own had just been lifted from his shoulders. Hawk noted that he didn't look sad or upset, just wistful like a married man - or not-so-married man - would be.

"Besides, she picked up on it in my letters, even before I did," BJ said softly as his eyes returned to Hawk's, intent and listening, searching and querying and _asking_. Hawk's lips parted and a tingle spread warmly across his body. "That there's someone else, Hawk."

"Someone... who do you mean, Beej, who-"

BJ smirked mischievously, a cheeky glint in his eyes.   
"You first."

"Ladies first doesn't apply here, Beej."

"Go on, you can say it, Hawk."

"Say what? For all you know, I was just telling you how I am, and that-"

"But it's not just that, is it Hawk."

There was a silence as Hawk relaxed his shoulders and took in a deep breath. BJ squeezed his hand, the warmth tickling Hawk's blood as he sighed, staring deep into BJ Hunnicutt's soul with as neutral an expression as Hawk could muster. 

"...... I'm quitting surgery and becoming a door-to-door make-up salesman," he deadpanned.

"Ah. Klinger would be proud, I'm sure make-up's in high demand here, especially from him."

"I'll go tent-to-tent with the finest dirt and mud in the whole of Korea. Starting here, Beej."

"Mhm... Does that tent include the one right in front of us?" BJ chuckled softly as Hawk's eyes widened, frantically looking down as he shifted to reposition his legs, unclasping BJ's hand and unable to hide the slight bulge that had accrued without his realisation. 

" _Couldn't_ with Nurse Able, did you say earlier?" BJ's eyes twinkled as he smiled at Hawk, who shook his head with a sigh.

"You don't get it, do you. What you do to me with those eyes, Beej."

"Ah, so my suspicions were correct. How long?"

"... About a week after you arrived. At least, by then."

"I knew it. You flirt with everyone, but you just have this look about you when you talk with me. I had a sneaking suspicion that was the case."

"You solved it, Watson. I bored Nurse Able to death with it. What about you," Hawk started to tense up as he lowered his voice. "You said there was someone else. I don't want to be Sherlock Holmes here."

BJ sighed, shifting a little in his kneeled spot by Hawkeye's chair, running his hand up the other man's arm slowly, then over his shoulder, rubbing with just enough pressure for Hawk to gasp softly before BJ cupped his cheek, gently stroking beneath his eye with his thumb.

"Does this answer your question, Hawk?"

And with that, BJ leaned forward and pressed his lips onto Hawkeye's.

 _God_ , his lips were perfect. He tasted just as his surname would have suggested, like honey somehow. Tough and gooey, but still soft and pliant, just with a harder edge and a rougher playfulness, almost dominant and guiding. Hawk never would have even dreamt this was possible, still couldn't believe he was in this position as BJ brought a second hand to cup his other cheek, fingertips sliding up _just_ enough to circle his hair. Hawk let himself whine into the kiss as their lips danced, BJ's kiss wet yet meaningful as he nipped Hawk's bottom lip with his own. He ran his hands up BJ's back to stroke gently, causing BJ to breathe into the kiss and push forward with even more spark and intensity than was present in his eyes. 

Hawk's eyes fluttered shut, and still all he could see and feel and _touch_ was Beej. It was real. _His hands_ were running through BJ's short blonde-brown hair, _his lips_ were parting to give way to BJ's prying and decadent tongue, _his vocal chords_ were stirring, causing him to moan almost too loudly with the quick breaths stolen between kisses, earning chuckles and sweet smiles from BJ when Hawk could steal a glimpse from their proximity. And, it was _his legs_ that parted to make way for BJ to clamber between, gulping with a small disappointed grunt as BJ moved away. 

Satisfyingly though, BJ removed his overshirt, and Hawkeye's breath hitched. He could see the other man's chest through the white undershirt, everything from the small, soft and neat swirls of hair, to the two pink buds brushing up against the fabric. His already shuddered inhale was reduced to a whine as BJ settled comfortably between Hawk's thighs, knowing all too well what had just brushed up against his thigh.

"How about we make our way over to the supply tent, where no Major will interrupt us, Hawk," BJ rumbled, voice low and pupils dilated as he leaned over Hawk, who was trembling, wet lips parted and hands searching to clasp BJ's own.

"All talk but no bite," Hawkeye smirked, as his hands found his target, eyes glossed over with determination and arousal as he bucked his hips upwards suggestively. BJ raised his eyebrows with amusement.

"Coming from you, who talks nonstop during the day, all witty and flirty. Should have known you'd be a quiet one when it comes to this," BJ said as he pressed their foreheads together.

"Quiet but masterful, I'd rather use my mouth for other things."

This time, it was BJ's eyes that fluttered shut with a quick, low moan, before opening with a happy chuckle. Hawkeye couldn't help but smile back, until BJ let go of one of his hands to trail ever so slowly down his still-clothed chest, before softly brushing over its tented, achingly hard target. Hawk almost screamed.

" _Beej_ ," Hawkeye breathed with a near-sob, clasping a hand over his mouth and eyes rolling back at the touch. The chair they were precariously balancing on gave a wobble. 

"Supply tent, before you fall off," BJ chuckled as he kissed Hawkeye softly before pulling back, Hawk still following to lean in for another kiss. "Let me show you what I can do with these fingers."

Eyes wide, Hawk stood up immediately, pulling a chuckling BJ up with him and almost falling into his chest, straightening up so they could make the quick dash across camp to their secluded destination.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this trash, I'll see myself out.


End file.
